By Rufus Mudsucker (bio)

"She rolled her eyes and gave me the look that comes from 12 years of reminding me daily which drawer my socks are in. "I don't use your BOR babe!" she said."

I seem to have lost my BOR. They were here the last time I looked. Like eight-track tapes and Barbara Streisand's talent, they simply vanished.

Let me explain. I have been away awhile. Not physically away, just focused on other things. Important things to be sure; Deer season, my website, my collection of antique sponges, all have apparently conspired to take my eye off the proverbial ball.

"Hey honey, have you seen my BOR?" I yelled to my wife while rifling through my desk (In hindsight, the odds of finding 47 missing big-screen TV agreements in my desk were slim). She rolled her eyes and gave me the look that comes from 12 years of reminding me daily which drawer my socks are in. "I don't use your BOR babe!" she said. "What did you do with them?"

I informed her, out loud unfortunately, "If I knew where I left them, I wouldn't be looking." She rolled her eyes and mumbled something about my backside and both hands while I settled in with my 2004 Monthly Planner to retrace my steps.

January: Decided business was so good I could drop my TV and radio ads.

February: Saved $10,000 per year by lowering the starting salary of new account managers...cha-ching!

March: Two Account Managers quit. Saved even more money by only replacing one of them and combining the routes.

April: Noticed drop in revenue. Temporarily raised card close target from 5% to 9%.

May: Account Managers overtime out of control. Told Store Manager to take over part of the route in her spare time.

June: Summer's here. Implemented pre-emptive disaster plan. Decided to reduce new merchandise purchases by 80%.

July: Store Manager quit. Put Account manager in charge (After all, there are no deliveries)

August: Customer count tanking. Raised card close goal to 15% to save agreements.

September: Account Manager quit again. You just can't find reliable people anymore.

October: Back room mysteriously filling up with merchandise. Rented additional storage space. Eliminated inventory purchases completely.

November: Deer season (What can I say, I'm from Missouri)

Looking over my shoulder, my wife said "It's right there! Don't you see it?" I slapped my forehead and yelled, "Of course! I can't believe I've been so blind. I've got to reduce store hours and hire all part time people!"

don't be a Rufus