By Rufus Mudsucker (bio)

My RTO therapy is progressing nicely. I was even able to take inventory last week without flop sweat or flashbacks. As a next step, my therapist at the Midwest Home for the Rent to Own Insane suggested I keep a diary.

8:50 AM
Opened up the store ready for another day of Rent to Own life.

8:55 AM
Found a note in the night drop from a customer that rented a new Widescreen HDTV and living room group 2 days ago informing me that she moved to Texas, with the merchandise, and she would be glad to mail the payments. PS: "Not sure what my address will be...I'll let you know."

9:30 AM
Four returns with balance, two payouts (with no new agreement).

9:45
8 year old son calls from school. His science class is studying cockroaches and he proudly announced to the class that his dad was an expert and "Could you come to school with some bugs."

10:45
32" TV/DVD/VHS combo brought in for repair that had a peanut butter sandwich where the tape should go.

12:15 PM
Got a call from my delivery crew that they wrecked the brand new van...on a parking lot...outside a 'club'...where they had "Stopped to get directions." The good news is "its just a scratch."

1:45 PM
Signed for certified letter from the Department of Revenue stating they didn't quite grasp my method of depreciation and would I be so kind as to "Stop by".

1:47 PM
Opened a letter politely informing me that my insurance company is "Exiting the rental sector" and will regretfully be terminating my business coverage in 60 days. They were nice enough to suggest alternate providers at twice the price. PS: Thank you for never filing a claim.

2:50 PM
Wife called, wants me to pick up the kids from school but I can't because the delivery crew is using my truck. She thinks I'm making it up...hangs up on me.

3:45 PM
Appliance supplier called. Truck will be delayed due to the holiday. Called 4 customers waiting on special orders...2 cancelled.

4:45 PM
Customer brought in computer for service. Was unaware how the CDROM door got ripped from the hinges..."Does damage waiver cover that? And, by the way, don't look at my pics."

4:58 PM
Body shop called. The scratch on the van will only cost $989.75 to fix.

4:58 and 30 seconds PM
Remember that I have $1000 deductible

5:05 PM
Computer crashes. Customers lined up but can't take payments

5:15 PM
Fire up back up computer...working fine.

5:25 PM
Customer leaving store, angry for having to wait, hits utility pole and knocks out power to the store.

5:26 PM
Realize backup power supply is only attached to computer that crashed

5:45 PM
Delivery crew calls on radio saying they can't find an address. I tell them to go to the club and ask directions. They reply "10-4" and turn off the radio before I can tell them I was only kidding.

5:59 PM
Audra Willis, the first person I ever rented to on my first day in this business, stopped by for no reason other than to wish me a happy Thanksgiving and show me pictures of her new grandkids.

6:00 PM
Rent to Own life is good.