Editorial
By Rufus Mudsucker (bio)

Schumer has worked even harder to serve the country during the 109th Congress, introducing powerful legislation like S.RES.253, a bill designating October 7th as "National 'It's Academic' Television Quiz Show Day.

In early August, Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY) announced a "study" on the rent to own industry. As is this publication's custom, we took a hard line with Mr. Schumer (see story) and undertook an equally comprehensive "study" of the Senator's record. As a result of our research, I must sincerely apologize to the senior Senator from New York for unfairly attacking him.

A comprehensive study of Senator Schumer's legislative record, conducted between late June and early August, 2006 ;), sheds light on the sincere respect paid to him by his congressional colleagues.

The process of submitting bills for consideration by the Senate is tightly controlled by party leadership. The more respect a member commands among his or her peers, the more likely they are to be trusted with guiding substantive legislation through the process. Put another way, a Senator's gravitas can be judged by the nature of their sponsored legislation.

My in-depth study of Senator Charles Schumer's sponsored bills reveals his high standing in Congress. Take for example S.RES.115, a resolution congratulating the Syracuse University basketball team for winning the 2003 NCAA championship. This hard hitting piece of legislation, one of 13 sponsored by Schumer in the 108th Congress to be passed (The other 12 were to re-name US post offices.), is typical of the responsibility given to Schumer, a high ranking Senate Democrat.

Schumer has worked even harder to advance his legislative agenda during the current 109th Congress, introducing powerful legislation like S.RES.253, a bill designating October 7 as "National 'It's Academic' Television Quiz Show Day". Historians will look back 100 years from now in sheer disbelief at the masterful political maneuvering required to unanimously pass the Schumer Quiz Show Bill.

It makes one positively weepy with anticipation for the election of Elliot Spitzer as Governor of The Empire State. What could be more entertaining than Spitzer battling the brain trust tag team of Schumer/Clinton over whether "Capitalism Sucks" day should be a state or federal holiday.

As I sit here writing in my pajamas, I take comfort in three facts: 1 - Chuck Schumer is privately viewed by Senate Democratic leadership as obnoxious but occasionally useful so long as he's thrown a headline once in a while. 2 - You, the reader, without ever having been elected, are tied with Chuck Schumer for passing meaningful legislation that has a positive impact on the lives of Americans. And 3 - 13,000 business people per day will read this between now and Schumer's next re-election campaign.

The facts of this story are fictional and reflect the un-medicated opinions of the author. Any resemblance to actual facts, living or dead, is unintentional. No liberals were harmed during the making of this story. See Merriam-Webster Online to look up the big words - I did.

PS: RH in DC, you broke your promise, so I kept mine.

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