By Rufus Mudsucker
Rent to Own Maven

When last we heard from RTO Online's chief archeologist, the intrepid professor Rupert "Ziggy" Zigenfielderstien, he had just uncovered the earliest known record of a rent to own transaction. (See article "He who Rents and Collects...New discovery in ancient Egypt) He learned that an entire culture had been built around a 6th century BC Egyptian deity named 'Bee-oh-are'.

Upon completion of the dig in Egypt, the professor headed to Africa, where cave drawings were rumored to show prehistoric men delivering mammoth tusks with no credit check.

Trouble in paradise
Our agreement with professor Ziggy calls for weekly progress reports in exchange for the use of our archeological equipment. Reports are due by close on Saturday. For the first few months, things went well. Reports were on time and our weekly 'report close' was over 96%. Everyone was happy. Then, mysteriously, all communication stopped.

We made several attempts to contact the professor by phone to no avail. We pulled the professor's file, only to discover that his reference sheet was over 2 years old. We had not required the professor to update references with each agreement. The phone numbers listed had been disconnected or changed.

Things went from bad to worse when our account manager went to Ziggy's cave and found it abandoned. There was no sign of the professor or his team. Except for some equipment left behind, everyone had vanished without a trace.

The account manager, hoping the professor would return, and angry at the prospect of losing his monthly bonus, left a door hanger on the cave entrance with a handwritten note that read...

"Ziggy, if we don't have your report by close on Friday, we will begin proceedings to have you  prosecuted".

"That will get his attention", thought the account manager. And feeling rather pleased with himself, he began the long journey back home (visiting delinquent accounts is very expensive and time consuming).

Then the real trouble began. One of the professors colleagues went to the cave and saw the note. He called several friends and told them. They called several more before locating the professor. By then, rumors were rampant, "The professors going to jail", said one. "The professor will be arrested any time", said another...things got quickly out of control.

By the time our account manager was back in the office, the professor had hired a lawyer from the firm of "Killem, Cookem, and Eatem", and we were being sued. It seems the laws in this region are very clear about communication regarding a debt. By allowing others to view the note, and threatening criminal proceedings, we violated the law.

Louise Killem, of Killem Cookem and Eatem, is lead counsel. She smiles a lot and is a very nice. Although it's a bit disturbing when she begins measuring my office for new carpet, and making comments about how the light will be good for her plants.

The most obvious violation was the nasty note. But the real problem began long before that. By not requiring an updated reference sheet with every new agreement, we set a course that eventually led to disaster.